Diagnosing yourself on the internet…

DON’T DO IT!!!  This would be my biggest piece of advice.  It’s pretty much the worst thing you can do.  Go to the doctor and have a professional check you out.  Here is usually what happens when you go to the internet and diagnosis yourself.  You look up what’s wrong with you and you come away thinking that you either have a hangnail OR you have a rare disease only found in the remotest of remote areas in the world and you are going to die because there is no known cure for what you have.  The reason you come to these two conclusions is because somehow they both have the same symptoms!  Doctors train for years and years to become a doctor.  You however took a half hour to an hour out of your day to try and figure out what is making you feel ill or hurting.  Does anything seem wrong with that whole picture if you were to take a step back and look at it.  Sure you may go to the internet to look up a recipe or get your latest celebrity gossip but neither of those two are going to affect your health dramatically and possibly kill you…well actually I guess that depends on how well you can follow cooking instructions on a recipe.  But you see what I’m getting at.  I knew a guy once who I swear was a hypochondriac and diagnosed himself almost weekly and would come up with new shit that he might have.  Although funny, it was kind of annoying cause mother fucker would call out sick a lot!  If you haven’t already figured it out the internet is pretty much a bathroom wall, but now just in cyber space!  No you can’t physically write “for a good time call so and so”, no, now a days you can just find so and so and she probably charges you $2.99 a minute on her webpage for that “good time”.  Basically what I’m trying to get at is don’t believe everything you read on the internet especially when it comes to medical issues.  You will end up stressing yourself out over something that you think you might have that you found on the internet or worse yet, you might try to cure yourself of something you don’t even have.  There’s a reason people have to attend medical school for some many years.  If it were that easy to figure your ailments out there would be no need for doctors.  Me personally, I have found that I leaving webmd alone or any other medical websites is the best thing to do.  I’ll admit I’ve tried to look up what sickness I’ve had by my symptoms and by all accounts I should have one less leg. I thought I had some sort of flesh eating virus and since I figured I was probably going to lose the leg I decided to name the disease on my lower leg, Chompy and he became known as Chompy the flesh eating virus.  I even made people say “hi” to Chompy when they came to my desk to shoot the this with me.  Fortunately after seeing a doctor it turns out that I just had a severe allergic reaction to poison ivy.  My thought at the time was “Poison Ivy my ass…it was a flesh eating virus, I should know I looked it up on the internet!!!”

-Blue Collar Drifter

No Post today...

If anybody is reading my post, I won't have one for today Friday 10/08/10.  On the move again but should be back on Monday.  Thank you to those of you that read my post!!
-Blue Collar Drifter

You’re an asshole cause you’re an asshole…

I hate when people try to use the excuse for being an asshole as “what do you want I’m from the East Coast!"  New York, Jersey or where ever they’re from. Or “you just don’t get it, it’s an East Coast thing.”  No actually I do get it, you’re not an asshole because you’re from where ever you’re from, you’re an asshole cause you’re an asshole!!!  I’ve meet plenty of guys from the East Coast that are cool as hell.  Yeah, they have a bit of a rough around the edges East Coast personality about them but they are far from being assholes.  Actually they are the complete opposite, they are very entertaining and up front about their opinions and yet still manage to have manners and are polite.  To use where you’re from as an excuse is a cop out and just make’s where ever you’re from look bad having you represent them.  Now this doesn’t just go for the East Coast, I once had a friend tell me that she had a guy say, “What, I’m from the West Coast, we’re all a little douchey out there”…wow, talk about closing the deal!!  Hey buddy, way to rep the West Coast.  That dude should write a book and teach lessons on “how to be a douche bag and be ok with it.”  The bottom line is if you’re an asshole douche bag just accept that fact that you’re an asshole douche bag and don’t try and blame it on anything else.  Own it!  If you want to blame it on something blame it on your mom and dad for not raising you correctly.  Trust me you’re not as funny and witty as you think you are.  You may not be a hit with the ladies but hey, that’s why they invented internet porn!

-Blue Collar Drifter

I don’t drink yet everybody wants to get me drunk…

  Why is it that as soon as I tell people I don’t drink they get this look on their faces as if I just told them I have a 6th toe and I make candles out of ear wax.  Yeah, see…see that face you just made, that’s the one I get when I tell people that I don’t drink.  It doesn’t bother me it’s just kind of funny to me.  Then the questions come rolling in, “Why don’t you drink, for religious reasons?” “Do you just not drink EVER?”  “Have you ever had a beer before?”  People usually don’t ask the most obvious one that they really want to ask and that is “are you a recovering alcoholic?”  Now depending on how much badgering I get from people the answer varies.  Most of the time I’m just flat out honest with them which is…I just don’t like the taste of beer or alcohol and I can’t hold my liquor.  That’s it, no big secret or mystery.  Although I have used the “I’m a recovering alcoholic” before just because people wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone and kept trying to get me to drink.  The fact is I’m a shitty drunk, not an angry drunk, not a loud drunk but a “I want to go home and lay down” drunk, I’m a party pooper after I’ve been drinking, and sometimes it’s even worse, I’m that guy that’s puking in the corner.  Let me tell you, that’s always attractive and makes all the girls in the bar want to start lining up to come make out with you.  

  The funny thing is, usually about an hour or two after I’ve told people that I don’t drink that’s usually when people start in…Come on, just have one beer, you’ll be fine.  I probably will be fine but that’s not the point, the point is I just really don’t feel like having it.  Once again, not for any particular reason, I just don’t feel like it.  It really is as simple as that.  What’s even funnier is when I do get a wild hair up my ass and decide to have a beer, the people I’m with act like they’ve just seen Mother Theresa kick Gandhi in the balls!!!  They’re shocked yet laughing at the same time.  It’s really not that big of a deal people.  I’m curious though as to why it is that people want to get the person that doesn’t drink drunk.  I’ve heard this from other people that don’t drink that their friends always want them to do shots or drink beer or mixed drinks and get drunk also.  Why?  Do I not make a big enough ass out of myself when I’m not drinking?  Am I much more interesting when I’ve had a few cocktails in me?  Does it really make you that uncomfortable that I’m not drinking?  I once had a friend tell me “I don’t trust people that don’t drink”, he was kidding…I think.  I really don’t view it as a big deal that I don’t drink and I'm not saying they shouldn’t either.  Don’t get me wrong, some of these people I speak of are very good friends of mine and could care less if I drink or not, it’s usually the people that I’ve only know for a short time or meeting for the first time, such as a friends of friends.  Most of the time though it doesn’t bother me, but every once in a while it bugs the shit out of me.  When that happens I feel like just getting drunk and being the party pooper, who wants to go home and complains about being tired or better yet drink so much that I make myself puke and have them have to deal with me while in that state just to prove my point.  Trust me, after that experience, you’ll be the one taking the beer’s away from me and telling other people…“he doesn’t drink!”

At what age for a man is it no longer appropriate to call a girl “cute” and it just becomes creepy?

Let’s say I’m a 45 year old man, 6’1”, average weight, better than average looking, clean cut upscale business man type…I’m not… but let’s say I am.  If I call my neighbor’s daughter from down the street “cute” as a newborn it’s OK, if I call her “cute” at age 3, it’s OK, if I call her “cute” at age 8 it’s ok, but if I call her “cute” at age 13 does it start to become creepy?  At age 15?  At age 17?  What if I don’t know the girl at all?  At what age does it start to become creepy and inappropriate and why?  Would it be ok because I’m a clean cut, good looking guy? Does it depend on the tone of my voice?  What if it’s 100% completely genuine and complimentary and not in a creepy tone what so ever?  What if I was a 45 year old, balding, fat, scruffy looking kind of guy…which once again I’m not, but what if I was and said it in a very genuine tone in front of her parents.  Does it depend on the relationship with the parents? Would it be creepy then?  Does it depend on what the person looks like?  If I’m the same clean cut good looking, 45 year old guy does it become ok to call any girl “cute” at age of 25 or is that still creepy.  What ages is it no longer creepy to call a girl cute?  What if I was a 45 year old woman calling a 18 year old guy cute, is that creepy or am I now just a “cougar” which, by today’s standards is ok…well with some people it’s ok.  I’m just curious, because the business I’m in I see cute girls all of the time, but far be it from me to complement them and call them cute for fear of being pegged as a pervert.  Now I know people will say, well it depends on the person, well what if you don’t know me from a hole in the wall.  Anyway, all I’m saying is that I find it interesting that for a girl between the ages of say 14 to 25 it comes across as creepy or inappropriate if a guy in his 30’s on up calls a girl “cute”.  I mean as long as the dude isn’t saying it in a Night Time Sneaky Uncle perverted creepy sort of voice it shouldn’t be such a bad thing for a guy to call a girl cute.  I guess all the dirt balls out there that scream cat calls and other inappropriate things at girls pretty much fucked it up for the nice guys trying to pay a girl a complement.

Do I still have to open the car door if we’re just friends?

So if it’s pretty obvious that a girl and a guy are just going to be friends or “buddies” or a guy flat out gets the kiss of death from a girl, is it still necessary to open the car door for her?  Let me first define what the “kiss of death” would be for a guy or obvious tell tale signs that she’s not interested in you in any romantic type of way.  The kiss of death to a guy would be hearing any one of these lines from her, “I just want to be friends” or “You’re like a brother to me" or “I just don’t see you that way” or any other statement along those lines.  The obvious signs would be things like when she call’s you “dude” all the time in a text message or when having a one on one conversation.  When she talks to you about bodily functions that you’d only discuss with your boys.  She might prefer to hang out in large groups of friends, instead of just you or worse, points out other dude’s she thinks are hot and you don’t look like any of them, and my personal favorite, when you do get the chance to hang out with her one on one and at the end of the day, afternoon, night whatever it may be you go to give her a hug good bye and she makes sure to turn her head…not towards you but away from you as to make sure you don’t get the wrong idea and try and sneak a kiss.  The last one is especially fun when you honestly had no intention of trying to kiss her in the first place and she does that.

 Now, having said all of that let me say that I do always try and open the car door regardless. I say try because sometimes the girl will open the car door before I can get to it since my car alarm unlocks the door when I disarm the alarm. However this is a thought that has crossed my mind before.  So if we’re just buddies than why can’t I treat you like the rest of my buddies?  When I hang out with my guy friends, I don’t open the car door for them.  As a matter of fact they’d probably ask “what the fuck are you doing you weirdo.” I still do things for my friends like hold the door open when going in and out of a building, picking up the tab for a meal, or giving them a call just to shoot the shit.  Normal things friends do for each other.

So we’ve now established that we are just “friends”, so is it OK to treat her like the rest of my friends and not open the car door for her?  Look, I get it that there’s such a thing as chivalry and being a gentleman and most women would say that it’s dead. This isn’t a blog about whether chivalry is dead or not, I think there’s more to chivalry than just opening a car door for a female friend.  Yes, there are definitely douche bags out there that are just self centered assholes and if this is what women mean by chivalry is dead, I would 100% agree with them but there are plenty of good guys out there that still believe in it whether women realize it or not. So I’m curious, am I no longer considered a gentleman or a good guy if I no longer open the car door for a female if we have now established that we are just friends?  The boundaries between being a gentleman and a friend are a little hazy to me.  In any case, let me give you guys a tip, always error on the side of being a gentleman, just because your newly established friendship has no potential of going any further than that…she still might have some hot girl friends!
-Blue Collar Drifter

Sports are one of the greatest social common denominators...

I believe it was Art Modell who once said in a documentary about the history of the NFL that “football is one of the greatest social common denominators amongst people”, I’d take that a step further and say sports are one of the greatest social common denominators amongst people.  If you don’t believe Art or myself, the next time you are at a restaurant or bar where a T.V. has sports on look around and you’ll notice men, women, teen agers and even young kids of all different backgrounds, of all different races, of all different religions cheering for a team.  Now they may not be cheering for the same particular team but none the less they are cheering for one team or another.  Some of them may know each other and others may not, but that doesn’t seem to matter.  As long as the stranger next to you is cheering for the same team you are for those 3 hours you’ve made an instant friend.  It’s interesting that in everyday life you may pass this person on the street and never bother to even say “hi” but in a sports setting you’d probably high-five this same person.   You have to admit it’s a pretty awesome thing that sports can bring all sorts of walks of life together.  If you want an example on an even grander scheme, take a look at the summer or winter Olympics, you have a whole nation cheering for the USA to beat whom ever.  I know there are people out there that think sports are pointless and stupid but to the average sports fan that doesn’t get stupid drunk and make an ass out of themselves by being a loud obnoxious jackass, it can be a pretty strong bonding experience, and I don’t mean just with “your boys”.  I can guarantee you 100% that there are some fathers and sons, father and daughters, mothers and sons, grandparents and grandkids, so on and so forth that may have a hard time talking or relating to one another except for when their favorite sports team is playing.  Sometimes all it takes is a simple common interest like watching sports to open the door to other conversation.  I've played a lot of sports in the past and even nowadays I'll join a pickup game here or there.  I've been able to take a lot of what I've learned from sports and have applied it to my life, just about every single day in one way or another.  I not trying to get all emotional and sappy about it because, let’s get real, most of the time we’re screaming words that would make a sailor blush at the T.V. as if the players can actually hear us.  The next time you’re out at a sporting event or a restaurant or sports bar look around, you’d be amazed at how many people are getting along with each other.  Can you imagine if we acted like this in everyday life?

-Blue Collar Drifter