Why is it that as soon as I tell people I don’t drink they get this look on their faces as if I just told them I have a 6th toe and I make candles out of ear wax. Yeah, see…see that face you just made, that’s the one I get when I tell people that I don’t drink. It doesn’t bother me it’s just kind of funny to me. Then the questions come rolling in, “Why don’t you drink, for religious reasons?” “Do you just not drink EVER?” “Have you ever had a beer before?” People usually don’t ask the most obvious one that they really want to ask and that is “are you a recovering alcoholic?” Now depending on how much badgering I get from people the answer varies. Most of the time I’m just flat out honest with them which is…I just don’t like the taste of beer or alcohol and I can’t hold my liquor. That’s it, no big secret or mystery. Although I have used the “I’m a recovering alcoholic” before just because people wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone and kept trying to get me to drink. The fact is I’m a shitty drunk, not an angry drunk, not a loud drunk but a “I want to go home and lay down” drunk, I’m a party pooper after I’ve been drinking, and sometimes it’s even worse, I’m that guy that’s puking in the corner. Let me tell you, that’s always attractive and makes all the girls in the bar want to start lining up to come make out with you.
The funny thing is, usually about an hour or two after I’ve told people that I don’t drink that’s usually when people start in…Come on, just have one beer, you’ll be fine. I probably will be fine but that’s not the point, the point is I just really don’t feel like having it. Once again, not for any particular reason, I just don’t feel like it. It really is as simple as that. What’s even funnier is when I do get a wild hair up my ass and decide to have a beer, the people I’m with act like they’ve just seen Mother Theresa kick Gandhi in the balls!!! They’re shocked yet laughing at the same time. It’s really not that big of a deal people. I’m curious though as to why it is that people want to get the person that doesn’t drink drunk. I’ve heard this from other people that don’t drink that their friends always want them to do shots or drink beer or mixed drinks and get drunk also. Why? Do I not make a big enough ass out of myself when I’m not drinking? Am I much more interesting when I’ve had a few cocktails in me? Does it really make you that uncomfortable that I’m not drinking? I once had a friend tell me “I don’t trust people that don’t drink”, he was kidding…I think. I really don’t view it as a big deal that I don’t drink and I'm not saying they shouldn’t either. Don’t get me wrong, some of these people I speak of are very good friends of mine and could care less if I drink or not, it’s usually the people that I’ve only know for a short time or meeting for the first time, such as a friends of friends. Most of the time though it doesn’t bother me, but every once in a while it bugs the shit out of me. When that happens I feel like just getting drunk and being the party pooper, who wants to go home and complains about being tired or better yet drink so much that I make myself puke and have them have to deal with me while in that state just to prove my point. Trust me, after that experience, you’ll be the one taking the beer’s away from me and telling other people…“he doesn’t drink!”
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